"anu ka ba? ang tali-talino mo tapos natatakot ka na baka bumagsak ka. eh ano pa kaya kami?" this is what my classmates tell me whenever i told them that this might be my last semester as a student nurse. to tell, i am not intelligent. maybe i just know how to use the gift of gab to look a wise one. :) i am a bittered student at first but i do not stand for my right. i do certain things because i want people to be proud of me especially those who are close to my heart. i don't wanna meet failures. i hate to see them sad. worried. at least for some short span of time sana, mapakita ko sa kanila na i will have a pretty good life. the truth, i don't wanna live a life where i can almost have everything.
last night, we had an overnight. that was right after our finals for community health nursing 1. this will be our last time to be together as a group. we had some picture taking and some studio shots before we go the resort of my classmate. we wore our school uniform in our studio shot for that might be the last time we will wear it and the last time we will see each other. so sad but it is true. even me i don't wanna give myself false hopes for that can kill me. i already told my parents about it. they feel sad. i hate the feeling but it relieves my heart. Group 2, we're the best! whatever happens. you just all do not know how all of you marked my precious heart. i am so much happy i was part part of this not so active but damn admired group! let us keep the spirit!
It was 2 o'clock in the morning when we decided to play some game. spin the bottle as it is. i don't really wanna join the game because i know only one question will be asked to me. it's between me and her. as always i don't want to answer the same question over and ove again. i was like sitting in a hot seat. whoa! it was 5 am when the session ended. it's time to sleep. i sent an sms : "it's 15 to 5.00am the session is already over and it's time to sleep. i woke up at 8am went home and got there by 9am. just cleaned myself and changed my clothes then i went to school.
i hate my way of being a natural psychologist. why have i inherited what my mum learned when she was in college taking the course psychology. i hate such. don't wanna read minds. don't wanna be too sensitive. i wish i am normal. i hate the gift of gab God gave me. i always make people miunderstood about my intentions. i hate pleasing people. why do i always find myself smiling? God! now, i am guilty of everything. i am aleady hurting people because of this nice attitude. ngaun, ako ang nahihirapan. "being mabait will get you nowhere.." i hate being snobbish either. for i may not look approachable. who should i be? where should i place myself in this world where others try to make it look small? why do girls always fall in my hands whenever i want to or whenever dit's not my intention to? is it an advantage or a disadvantage? why do i always find it easy to move on and develop to someone yet in the end i'm hurting? i do not know anymore how to expand horizond for i fear that i'll hurt again. as always, i least prioritize myself! Damn man! It's killing me!