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Spiritual Statement

sa totoo lang, di ko alam kung kailangan ba talaga ang isang religion para masabi mong tao ka (i mean, para masabi ng iba na tao ka). Sa totoo lang, di ko alam kung pano nagsimula ang lahat. i grew up in a religious family, then, nag-aral ako sa Catholic schools and all tapos nagka-awards pa ako as Best in Christian Living, Conduct Merit Awardee and sa Church Ministry Crusade where I happen to be a member. isa din ako sa mga ilang nakatanggap ng calling para pumasok sa seminaryo para makapagpari. sobrang pinag-isipan ko yung calling na un kasi ako mismo ang nakaramdam na tinatawag ako para magsilbi at ilaan ang buhay para sa Panginoon lamang. sa nangyari, nahihiya ako sa Panginoon dahil sa pagtanggi ko sa paanyaya Niya. hanggang ngayon, feeling ko sobrang makasalanan ako dahil sa ginawa ko kahit na alam ko na ang dahilan ko sa pagkuha ng kurso kong nursing ay para mapalitan ang pagsisilbi ko sa Kanya at para makapagsilbi sa mas nakararami. marami akong plano na gawing kapalit para matumbasan lamang ang pagtangging ginawa ko. natakot akong magsimba at magbasa ng Bible kasi mas napapaalala sa akin nito ung pangtangging ginawa ko. mahigit tatlong taon na ang lumipas. eto na ako ngayon. ngayon, mas pinili ko ang lumabas ng simbahang Katolika at mabuhay na walang kinikilalang relihiyon. mas gusto ko kasing makita ang Panginoon sa bagay ako na ako mismo ang nakapagpatunay. oo, di ko na kailangan humingi o maghanap pa ng patunay para lang malaman na nag-eexit siya. pero mali. parang pinaniwalaan ko lamang siya ng walang katunayan/katibayan. pinaniwalaan ko siya dahil un ang tama at karapat dapat sa mata ng nakararami. hindi ko alam kung paano nagsimula ang lahat lalo na ang mundo. wala akong sapat na katibayan sa mga bagay bagay. pero ang existence ko ngayon ay di ko magawang ipaubaya sa di ko alam kung nag-eexist nga ba. nabuo ako dahil nag-sex ang magulang ko. lumaki ako dahil pinakain ako, inalagaan ako. nakakakain kami dahil nagtatrabaho ang tatay at nanay ko maghapon. may trabaho sila dahil nagtiya sila. dahil madiskarte sila. ngayon, buhay ako dahil nag-iingat ako at ginagawa ko ang lahat ng paraan para mabuhay. sa ngayon, i live by principles. wala akong galit sa Panginoon o sa kahit sino pa man kaya ako lumabas sa Simbahang Katolika. Katoliko pa rin akong maituturing pero personal kong desisyon na umalis ng komunidad. napansin ko kasi, marami ang lingu lingo kung magsimba pero wala naman sa puso ung ginagawa. actually, nahihiya akong magsimba kapag kapatawaran ng mga kasalanan ang intensyon ko. and ayaw ko kasi na nakikita ako na nagsisimba. gusto ko kasi ako na lang nakakaalam. and ayaw ko may kasama pag nagsisimba. ewan, matagal tagal na rin un. sumasama naman ako sa mga classmates ko pag nagkakayayaan magsimba since may Sunday class ako, pero hindi na nagiging personal ang conversation. sa ngayon, Christian books na lang ang pinaghuhugutan ko ng additional food sa spirituality ko. Bo Sanchez, Rick Warren, Joshua Harris, and Bruce Wilkinson. anyway, i believe mas mabuti na to na ginawa ko. alam ko mas matutuwa si God kung hahanapin ko siya at papaniwalaan sa paraan na ako ang nakakita at hindi lang basta pinaniniwalaan dahil naorient lang at lumaki na may relihiyon.


Humihingi po ako ng respeto. wala po akong nais iparating na masama ukol dito. personal na opinyon at desisyon ko ito na makita ang Diyos sa paraan na nais Niya. Lumabas ako ng komunidad. Parang ganito yan:


Dahil sa paglabas ko, magulo, oo. pero kapag naayos at nalinaw ko, mas makikita ko siya ng maayos at kaaya aya. di naman ako maituturing na atheist o walang Diyos sapagkat kasalukuyan ko siyang hinahanap. at kung di ko man makita, alam ko naman ang tama at mali. ang mabuti at ang masama. ang pakikipagkapwa at ang pananakit ng kapwa. sa tingin ko, un namang ang higit na kailangan sa mundo at nais iparating ng relihiyon. sinadya kong maging Filipino slash Tagalog ang pagkakasulat na ito sapagkat may ayaw kong ipagkalandakan naman ang saloobin ko. tsaka baka mabasa ni kuya eh di matutuwa sa akin un. hayaan niyo, one time, pag-uusapan rin namin ang bagay na yan. kapag sanay na siyang mag Filipino. haha

Comments

cha said…
just wanna share my opinion,,

may iba't iba ngang religion, but there is only one God,,
they just differ in beliefs, traditions, how they praise God, etc,,

all i can say to you is good luck on you search for God,, sa panahon ngayon, bihira ang mga taong tulad mo,,

that's all,,
Lalon said…
pareho tayo na tinalikuran ang mga gawaing pang-relihiyon ng simbahang katolika pero that doesn't mean na i don't believe in His existence anymore.. as i've said sa latest thread ko sa blog ko eh "i've always stood by the old saying that only fools don't believe that there is a God out there".. furthermore believing that God exists makes you live a more human life..

isa lang ang prinsipyo ko pagdating sa relihiyon.. "mabuting pakikipagkapwa tao" and if you have that, you yourself is a follower of God.

isa pa maraming bagay ngayon and ipinalalaganap ng simbahan na napaka-literal na pagsasabuhay sa mga kaganapan sa bibliya which is really questionable... at isa pa i guess hindi masama mag-duda kung meron ngang "Diyos" kasi tao lang tayo at hindi perpekto.. natural sa isang tao ang "curiosity".. and out of that curiosity you spend to time discover the truth which i believe is what you're doing right now.

ilang-libong taon na tayong "Katoliko"? pero bumuti ba ang pakikipag-kapwa tao natin? infact religion is one of the main factor kaya tayo watak-watak.. dahil sa mga paniniwalang ito hindi tayo nagkakasundo.. no one can deny that fact.. tignan nyo na lamang ang nangyayari sa middle east.. di ba magulo? ano ang dahilan? kasi yung isa "christian country" and yung isa naman "muslim country".. tapos isang katutak pa ang nag-dedebate/nag-aaway ng dahhil lang sa kinabibilangang relihiyon.. may mga relihiyon pa dyan na dinidiktahan ka kung pano mamuhay o ang mas masama pa nito eh sinasabi kung sino ang dapat iboto nila sa darating na eleksyon (sa relihiyong tinamaan nito wag maging guilty).

ngayon medyo mahaba na itong nasabi alam ko na may-rereact dyan.. i'm open for debates pero yung makataong debate at walang halong panunutya.

salamat po.

- Lalon
Anonymous said…
ako po. nakakainis lang na malaman na nag-aaway-away ang mga relihiyon (iglesia and dating daan). c'mon. kahit lilima lang kayo sa relihiyon niyo, basta matatag ang paniniwala niyo. ang paniniwala ko po kasi. we live by faith. kung malakas lang talaga. kahit kay Buddha pa yan, o kay Allah, Shiva, Vishnu, Brahma, God o Baal.
Anonymous said…
ako po yung padre.. hehe. napaaga ng pindot
Rex said…
I wandered around here and what did I see.. We seem to be in the same situation. My mom is Catholic and my dad is Protestant so I kind'a got confused at some point and now I'm convinced there's indeed no perfect religion.

In darkness, you can consider religion as a flashlight that you use to find God. Religion itself is not the end but God.

However, good works are not all that is required by God. You have to make an effort to maintain a close relationship with God whilst away from any religion or you will be prone to getting lost. It's easy to get lost believe me.

You should really read the Bible and not rely on secondhand information from Christian Books. You have to read it yourself if you are to be truly 'outside'.

Let us pray God will lead us to the answers we are searching for. God bless!
Anonymous said…
there is a difference between "there is no God." and "is there a God?". peace man.
Anonymous said…
I don't believe in religion. But I have a God but I believe there is no way we can prove it because his ways are sooo beyond our comprehension.

I think we are in the same situation, a bit. My family are conservative Catholics (fanatics, if I may say) but I never really enjoyed praying Our Father and Hail Mary over and over again that I felt like a robot already, and going to church and watch other people not listen but just do what the priest tells them to (kneel, etc).

But of course, my family don't know that I turned my back on "our" Catholic faith. Actually, I turned my back on religion in general --- Christianity (heck, I don't even believe that Jesus is/was divine anymore).

I have my own ways of expressing faith, and like I said on my blog, whatever thay are, I believe they are right.

Good day.

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