Tuesday, May 22, 2007

not feeling any better

Hindi ko kasi alam. madalas naguguluhan na ako sa sarili ko. napabilis kong magalit, mainis, maaburido.


I do not know if my high school friends are still the people i know. A lot of things has changed. What I do not know is that if they still care about our friendship. I always try to keep in touch but they seem to be moving away. I don't have any updates with them because they refuse to share. I always contact them to set some meet ups during vacation or special holidays but they always have a lot of reasons. "Kapag ayaw, maraming dahilan." and I'm getting tired. I feel so rejected and I'm so degraded. Then everytime someone contact me and set some meet up, even if i have classes, overnight project, i will leave everything just for them. Then here's my bestfriend for five years who jut left me and traded me for a boyfriend. Her boyfriend didn't asked her to leave me but she did. Do you know the feeling? It hurts so much. Why do people have to leave me that way? I've never done anything like that in the past. Are these people getting tired of me?


I'll be fooling the people around me if I say I find it easy to move on after a failed relationship.
Have I been that good in a relationship? I do not know what's wrong with me anymore. In the last relationship, we kept an open communication with one another but still I was fooled. Third party. What's so wrong with me? Pls. tell me. Now, there's this another girl who love me and I love as well but I'm afraid to try again. I don't wan't wanna get hurt. LOVE DOESN'T REALLY HAVE TO HURT. I told her to wait because I want to share my life when I already know myself. When I already know what I'm searching for. The person we hardly get to know is not around. It's in us. OURSELVES. I mean it when I asked her to wait. Now, if she didn't take it like what I did, it's ok. I can't send her all the blame because it's not easy to wait. Now, she's with someone I guess. Back with her old Aaron. awts. Not me, but another Aaron. What makes me feel sad id that I don't hold the time. neither do i own the world. I can't fight because now isn't the time. We really don't have to hurry on things. They will come at the right time. The most unexpected time. If I'm hurting her because I asked her to wait some long years, my deepest apology.

She sent an sms saying, "Don't say you love someone unless you mean it. Because they might do something crazy...like...believing it."


blurred angel said...

people come and go... i learned that the hard way... thats the reason i don't necessarily depend my life on other people... though there are a few exceptions...

i share your sentiments on love... ur right that loving doesn't have to hurt... but even if we were hurt a number of times before, we should never be afraid to take risks again... never let opportunities pass you by, coz u can never tell if that person you allowed to slip away is the one for you.... and when you know it... its too late...

just a twisted thoughts... peace out...


Doubting Thomas said...

Wag kang magtaka kung ang mga kaibigan mo noong HS ay nagiba na... ikaw mismo ay dumaraan sa phase na yun. Naguguluhan ka pa nga eh.

YNA said...

I agree with Rob. We all change. I mean, imagine, we live in a different environment once we're our of HS. Look at me, I've only been away from my friends for only a matter of months, yet, I could already feel the difference, the mileage between us.

With regards to the second, well, love is...You know how hard it is. It's human emotions and I could feel your depression radiating from this post. The fact that you're not sure and well, she went away with another guy...Maybe it's telling you something. Maybe the right time's not now.

deb said...

Sa min nman, since konti lng kami nung high school (we're only 9 when we graduated), super duper close kmi. So we never fail to communicate with each other up to now.

Dun nman sa mga reunions nyo, kung gusto tlga nila, gagawin nila lhat ng paraan pra lng maka-attend, db? Pede mangyari basta lng gugustuhin. Pero d ko nman sila sinisiraan. Siguro weigh things lng tlga.

With love, hmm. Mahal p keo nung "girl" na yun, nahihiya lng syang umamin, bka you'll ignore her kasi e. Meh vibes lng ako. =]