Summarizations

probably, this may be my last post for this month. i have a lot of requirements to submit and i have to meet all the requirements.and also the article that i have to finish for this month is started yet. but i'll still visit this everyday. you can see me online too on my ym account: gnomishwysard

Message

Everytime you wake up in the middle of your sleep, there's always this meaning. God wants to take to you. It's a magic that every 4.30am someone tries to wake me up. so surprised to find out that there is this "Christian" group who pray the rosary during that time. that thing is a prayer for world peace. but last tuesday, something weird happened. something made me wake up even when i have just slept for less than an hour. i was able to start the praying of the rosary. the Apostles Creed, one Our Father, 3 Hail Mary's, one Glory be, etc. i reached up to the 2nd mystery then unconsciously i have fallen asleep. I got a nightmare. the scene happened in front of the church in our barangay. i was with my friend. we are waiting for the next trip when someone asked for help. she told me to wait and i said ok. but before she leave, she said there's a man. i was shocked because there are no other people there. i shouted, "uy, hintayin mo ako. natatakot ako." when a soul hold my arms very tight and is bringing me to something. a bad spirit i believe. then for some unexplained reason, someone opened my eyes. i found myself sitting, and the fifth mystery has just begun. i feel so guilty that i miss the other mystery. To god who just ask for an hour a day was not ignored...


ALONE


Today, 24 o' August, 2006, Thursday, i really feel damn bad. i feel so sad. depressed. alone. I am so tired of this icy indifference. the hell that i do not know the problem with myself. it's always school stuffs that i was not able to always comply. last tuesday, when everything is not doing really fine, when everyone is in a rush, when everyone is waiting for their photocopies for subject matters, i feel so sad. who should expect for some good realtionship with everyone in this fast-paced world? Pre-test in Health ethics, a test in the 100 item examination, a comprehensive exam in Realated Learning Experience (RLE), a 150 pages to read in Medical Surgical Nursing and a case presentation to be defensed the day after. damn! what's the big problem with my schedule. i also need some good haircut. the endings of my hair is already reaching my ears. i can't comply to all. we also have a group meeting. but i said "uy, magpapagupit pa ako. ano ba ung pag-uusapan? sandali lang. magpapaphotocopy lang ako nung sa ethics. uy jamie, pagpaphotocopy mo nga ako tapos sunod ako sa baba. kung wala ka mahanap na libro, umakyat ka dito para malaman ko." half an hour passed but nothing is still happening with the group meeting. it's annoying that we all have a lot of things to do but we are just wasting the time of each other out of nothing. Damn! i'm so dumb ass if i'll continue wasting my time. that's when i decided to go down, look for jamie and give my payment to the photocopy that i asked her as a favor. photocopying is not yet finished when i go down. many asked for a copy because it's a pre-test thing. no one knows what will be the possible questions. no multiple choice. it's all about enumeration, identification and modification of the statements. everything is about legal laws that has something to do with humanities, human life.fifteen minutes after, the hell thing is not yet finished. that is when i asked my friends to move around for some refreshment. someone sent an sms and it says, "ui groupmates, wer u na? start na tau. sa 3rd floor tau guys." but i was not able to read that msg when it was sent to me. some of my groupmates are also there waiting for their copies. then the hell thing that i just found out that our overall leader of our group just walked out. she didn't talked to us the day after. especially to me. it made me feel a lot a pressure about the real thing that is really happening. i told to myself, "parang unfair naman un. pupunta naman ako. nun lang din naman ako nakagawa ng pangit sa group namin. sya nga, meeting namin maghapon tapos nagset sya kung ano gawin in the morning and in the afternoon but noontime passed pero lima pa lang kami. tapos ung iba di pa talaga nagpunta" today, thursday, the group tried to reconcile the problem with us individuals and what we expect in the group. i am so sad that i am ignored in the group. para bang napagkaisahan ako. is plasticity is really a virtue in this world? i do not know. what i know is that i am being real to myself now. i made mistakes before but i am now staring to correct it. i am really so sad. i am so alone...