Halfway

Life is really unpredictable. Though I have planned well what I want to happen in my life, I still landed to a career I really am not expecting. I am now working as an English Teacher in a preparatory school. And I can say that teaching is indeed really fun. I cannot explain the overflowing happiness and joy I am feeling whenever they understand the lesson and most especially on how they express they enjoy learning English with me. Last Friday, I was really sad because I need to make a very tough decision between my teaching career and the degree I earned which is nursing. It is not in the knowledge of everyone that I took the Nursing Licensure Examination last June 1 and 2. It is only my family and few classmates and friends knew that I'm going to take the examination. I want to apologize for hiding the decision I've made. You know, no matter what people say about how coward I am for hiding that decision of mine, It always been a big deal for me to fail everyone's expectation is far much worse than making just making a surprise that "hey I've passed and made it. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you. I just don't want to add additional pressure but I know if i'll do, I'll be receiving the same unending support which I always receivefrom you". And I think what I did is much better to minimize those people with a bad heart which I do not know if their main purpose on earth is to pray for someone's failure. I just want to tell also that I did not lie when I blogged before that we're forcibly not allowed to take the board examination plus all those discouraging words that we've received from the university where we graduated. It's when a day before the last day before the filing of examination when they opened the door with all uncertainties which I just personally think it's just a false hope for them to be free of any legal concerns. I took all the risks together with some of my brave classmates (more thanks to Bena for convincing me to try my best. I'll never forget your words of encouragement).

As what they say, those who are usually pressed are the ones who usually stand out and prove people wrong. Out of 64,459 hopeful nursing graduates who filed for the said examination, only 27,765 (43%) successfully made it. I am happy because I passed together with the rest of my classmates who took the risks. Happy also because all our efforts and sacrifices were paid off. But I'm also a little upset because more than half did not make it and it reflects the quality of education as well. I know that many are just trying to compensate with the worlds great demand for nurses and for they offer very tempting salary which can actually save most from poverty. My prayer after the licensure examination was actually like this,

Lord, I know it's never been in history that all the examinees have passed. But, Lord, I am coming to you in behalf of the nursing graduates who took the examination that if it's really impossible to pass all because others did not even try to exert effort, at least pass all those who really exerted effort, who prepared for that day of examination and those who call on by Your name. Lord, I am holding on to Your promise that anything we ask through Your name, we just have to think we have received it and it will be given. Lord, I know I did something to what what I am actually praying for. Maybe not as high as those who will top but I know I did all my best to answer that examination. Lord please grant my heart's desire. Please forgive me for it is also a shame on my part to come to you because I am asking for something. Not actually a miracle but a help for my requests and favors. I don't forget to thank and recognize Your daily graces for me and my family which we receive daily and where most of them were not actually asked but were freely given. But You know, the prayer becomes more serious when I'm asking for some miracles, big favors, and requests and You never miss to grant those I really deserve to have. Lord please don't fail me this time. You know how much I need it to start my career. You know how much I crave for it. I know Lord that You know better than us and I trust well Your plans, but Lord, I hope that what You want me to become is in accordance to my heart's desire. I always trust You Lord. Thank You.

Time passed so quickly that I almost forgot that I am actually waiting for something very important in my life. They say, Things alsways arrive when you least expect it. Patience should really be a virtue. I didn't notice the time maybe because I am also enjoying the career I landed which is teaching. I felt the love my students gave, and I have seen their much appreciation to what I am actually doing. We enjoy while learning from one another. That is when I truly understood that parents are the second parents of the children. I felt so attached and it's hard for me to see some of my students crying because they doesn't want the term to end. I really felt like I'm already a father, which I know I will be sooner :-) . Last Friday, August 22, was one of the hardest day of our lives. We were really so emotional that the last day was just spent for gift giving and an all day hug without any words spoken by any of us. The last soung of the bell finally rang and no matter how hard it is for me to end the day and the term, I still did. We ended with all the I miss you's and I love you's, with the hugs and kisses, and some promises that they'll call me and send me an e-mail once they get back to their country. And that they'll try to go back again whatever purpose they have in mind.

After that day, I also filed my resignation. Not because I want to but because I also have a career which I need to start. I can say that that chapter in my life where I just decided to make my days productive has really been so meaningful. I will not forget it and also the students that I had. I wont. Jungmal.

It's always a nice feeling for me when I get to relate well with kids. It's just really sad that all have their endings. Letting go is really the hardest part of life to learn. My life as a preschool teacher has finally ended. And now, it's about time to start the degree I earned so I can continue my dream I want to be. I'm halfway the dream. :)